


We're Just Strangers With the Same Damn Hunger

by Mariposa_Moon



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV), Thirteen Reasons Why - Jay Asher
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Bryce will fucking go to jail, Canonical Rape/Non-con, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Fluff, F/F, Female Friendship, Female Homosexuality, Female Relationships, Female-Centric, Femslash, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gen, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, I Ship It, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Non-Canonical same-sex relationship, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, OTP Feels, POV Female Character, Pre-Femslash, Romantic Fluff, Songfic, hannah doesn't die
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-06 03:04:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11027268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mariposa_Moon/pseuds/Mariposa_Moon
Summary: This is a fix-it fic, takes place after the party. Hannah is there for Jessica and they get the apologies they deserve.





	1. Thunder only happens when it's raining

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like the POV is not exactly clear, but it starts with Jessica's POV and eventually changes to Hannah's.
> 
> Also: My laptop doest work and hasn't been working for quite sometime, so that means that I wrote this entire thing in my phone. Please do excuse any errors I may make.

She remembers.

Her memories are all blurry and swirly, with too many missing pieces and dark spots to make a complete image.

Still, she can recall how scared she felt, how helpless she was against the hands of Bryce. She just remembers how betrayed she felt when she noticed Justin giving up on rescuing her. She specially remembers how dirty and alone she felt afterwards, how shattered her world seemed.

People like him had everything they wanted no matter the cost, she always knew that. She just never thought he would go so far.

But most of all, she remembers soft, shaky hands touching her, dressing her up after Bryce had left her like a brag doll only worth his own pleasure. She remembers the breathy sobs of someone whom she had betrayed, but never truly left her side.

She remembers...

"Hannah?"

The sobs halt with surprise, and Jessica's eyes can now make out her face in the darkness of the room she now despises. Hannah purses her lips together to keep her sobs in. She looks broken.

She looks exactly how Jessica feels.

"Oh God, Jess, I..." She wipes her tear stained cheeks and takes in breaths as slow as she can, trying to put herself together. She needs to so something. She already failed Jessica badly enough.

"We need to get you out of here."

It takes about five minutes for them to make their way downstairs, mostly because Jessica just can't seem to make her body move. Even when Hannah manages to help her get up, she can tell her friend is still lost. She doesn't understand what's going on.

Hannah knows it's the calm before the storm. The shock still hasn't worn off, and if she's honest, she's scared of what will happen when it does.

They hide on the corners, walking fast between the crowd The music is too loud and the lights are too bright and it all makes Hannah want to curl up, or scream at them to just stop.

They don't know, she realises, as she drags Jessica through them. They can't even begin to imagine what has happened under this same roof, in the darkness of the shadows. They wouldn't even bet what Bryce, their teammate, their classmate, their friend, is capable of.

"Hey!"

Hannah twirls around with wide eyes as the blood drains from her face, taking two teps back rather quickly and almost bumping into someone. She wasn't in the best mindset right now, and she could only imagine a couple of people who would call her right now, none of which she wanted to see ever again.

Luckily, it was just Clay.

"Look, Hannah. I know you kinda hate me right now, but I want you to know I never intended to hurt you-" He pauses as he looks at her, realizing just how unsettled she looked. It makes him sick to think she's like that because of him.

It's not his fault, not entirely, but he doesn't know that.

"You didn't." She interrupts as she nervously looks around, alert of anyone around them. "It was all me, I was just being stupid."

She needs to get out of here, needs to get Jessica out of here as fast as possible.

She licks her lips to calm down before asking. "Can you get us home?"

Clay looks puzzled. It's clear he still wants to talk about what happened between them, but right now that's the furthest thing from her mind. So as always, he decided not to push it.

"I rode here on my bike so, um..."

She has no time for this.

"Well, thanks." She makes a beeline for the door, fully intended on just walking home, when Clay speaks again.

"Wait! Jeff has a car. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I drop you guys off." He dangled the keys in front of him, and Hannah sighed with relief.

"Let's go." She nodded.

And so they went. A boy who was in love but was too scared of messing up to do anything about, and two girls who used go be friends but now were on foreign terms, both of them broken by boys who didn't deserve them.

It was sate to say it was an uncomfortable ride.

....

Finally, they stopped in front of Jessica's house (Hannah had requested they dropped her first , even when Hannah's was closer. Clay didn't ask too many questions).

Jessica bit her lip as she opened the door.

"Can you come with me?" She looked at Hannah pleadingly, hoping that the girl would agree. She knew something was going to happen, and she couldn't imagine being alone right now, not after what happened.

Hannah hesitated, a million thoughts racing through her head at full speed, wondering if she should stay or not. Was she ready to deal with this? Lately she wasn't even able to deal with herself most of the time.

Jessica grasped her hand tighly, showing her how much she need her. "Please." Her voice sounded strained, clearly trying to keep her sobs in.

Hannah sighed, but nodded. She waved Clay goodbye as she left the car, seeing just how worried he looked. But she couldn't tell him what had happened. That was Jessica's decision. She wanted it to be her choice.

They didn't realize they were still holding hands until they reached the door, but they made a quiet agreement to keep holding each other up by that simple gesture.

It wasn't until they had settled in Jessica's bed (there wasn't really the option to set up something else without risking waking Jessica's parents) that the breakdown Hannah had been waiting for finally happened.

Hannah had both arms around her as Jessica continued to cry silently. She tried to wipe her tears away from time to time, but realised that it was pointless, because the tears would just keep coming anyway. Instead, she opted to just let her get it all out.

"I hate him, Hannah. I hate him. How could he just- He didn't even-"

"Shh, I know." Hannah whispered, feeling the tears forming on her eyes as well. "I know, Jess."

She doesn't remember when exactly they had stopped crying and fell asleep in each other's arms. Although Hannah is sure she had fallen asleep after making sure Jessica wouldn't wake up again.

It wasn't enough. Two hours later Jessica woke up screaming, and Hannah threw her arms around her again. Jessica started shaking, trying to push her away. It was clear she didn't know what was happening.

"Jess! Jess, it's okay! It's just me, it's Hannah."

Slowly, Jessica stopped struggling.

"I'm sorry." Jessica sobbed out. "I'm sorry."

Hannah fumbled with her hair a bit before giving a sigh. It killed her to see Jessica like this.

"It's okay, Jess. It's completely normal."

" No, not that." She sniffed, looking down at her lap to avoid Hannah's gaze. " I mean, back at the café..."

Oh. That.

" I was jealous because of that stupid list that Alex, my own boyfriend, helped propagate. I needed someone to blame and I, I picked you." Her hands grasped the covers harshly. "I chose to end our relationship instead if believing in you, and I immediately regretted it. I thought it was too late and that it was over, so I didn't do anything when I saw you suffering alone. I thought if I ignored you the pain and regret would go away, but they obviously didn't." She laughed bitterly. "I was such a bad friend and yet you still were there for me."

Hannah gave a small smile. "Isn't this the part where I say something cliché, like "This is what friends are for" or something?"

Jessica shook her head. "We aren't friends though."

"No," Hannah's gaze softened. "But we could be."

"Yeah," Jessica agreed, a small smile forming in her own lips. This was all so strange for both of them. She still wanted to try and do the right thing. "Yeah, we could be."


	2. Now If I Keep My Eyes Closed, You Won't See The Scars On My Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We see how Jessica is dealing with things. Which is, of course, not dealing with them at all. Denial is the first step of anything new.
> 
> Hannah is just trying to keep Jessica out of trouble. But she wonders if it's worth it to risk herself over what had been a failed friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo! Would you look at that. 3000+ words, about 2000 words more than the last chapter. Definetly an improvement if you ask me. Maybe this can excuse how long it took me to update?
> 
> Anyways, I wrote the thing and here we are. It's a bit difficult for me to get the first chapters out of the way, because as you can see not much is happening. I'm just itching to get to the jucier parts.
> 
> BTW I swear the other characters will appear soon enough.
> 
> -Odie

Jessica woke up in a cold and empty bed, startled by the sound of her alarm clock. It was 6am, still too early for anyone but herself to be up. She had always been an early bird, after all.

The first memory that came to mind was the girl sleeping with her last night. She knew in the back of her mind that Hannah had had to leave when the sun still wasn't out, or at least that's what she guessed, and she couldn't help but feel a bit grateful to the lengths she had gone just to stay with her.

And then the  memories of why exactly she had decided to stay hit her like a tone of bricks, last night events flashing before her eyes, leaving her to feel broken and hollow. Tears had made their way into her eyes before she was fully awake.

She felt... Dirty, and different in ways that she hated. The slight discomfort between her legs was making her want to puke.

She stood up and skipped directly to the bathroom with a maniac urgency, staring directly at the mirror.

She looked horrible. She felt horrible.

Her cheeks had ruined dried mascara in them, her lipstick was a complete mess (and she shuddered thinking about Bryce's lips on her), her hair looked like she had been electrocuted. Her eyes looked haunted, and the bags under them gave away how bad of night she had last night (but they didn't, they never could. No one could ever understand what she had gone through, how deeply disgusted by herself she was, unless they had experience it themselves.)

She was unable to withstand looking at herself anymore, at how he had marked her. Her eyes were forming new tears now, and she hastily wiped them away with a shuddering sob.

Suddenly, the need to get Bryce of off her skin became too much, so she went into the showering, and made the water as warm as possible, getting to a point were the heat was actually hurting her. She hissed as she cleaned away her body time and time again, to make sure there weren't any traces left, that she didn't miss anything.

After the fifth or sixth round of cleaning, she stopped, the sobs rocking through her body were making it difficult for her to concentrate, her hands were shaking badly, and her head was spinning. She felt to the tiles as she embraced herself, feeling cold (when did the water turn cold? How hadn't she noticed?) and unwanted, and disgusting.

...

Hannah had left to her own house when the sun still wasn't up, and had attended to school the next morning, almost like nothing had happened. But it had, of course she knew it had, and the biggest evidence was the empty seat in many of her classes where Jessica was supposed to be in.

It's strange how live turns, isn't it? Days ago, Hannah would avoid looking at her seat, would try to pretend she wasn't there so that the betrayal she felt would hurt less, and now she can't keep her eyes off of that seat, and her mind is only filled with worry.

The bell rang, startling her, but effectively snapping her back into focus. She doesn't even remember what the teacher had said.

Hannah walked fast towards her locker. There wasn't a particular reason for this, not a logical one anyway. She just wanted to get this day over with.

Should she go see how Jessica was doing? Or would a simple text suffice?

Friendships were hard enough as they were, but this unstable ground they were in was unknown territory for them. After all that had happened, what was OK to do and what wasn't? Was she risking too much by diving into this situation?

She didn't want to hurt herself, or Jess. But she didn't exactly know what to do.

"Hannah."

Clay was leaning against her locker, and had apparently been waiting for her. Hannah sighed as she opened her door and put her books in. This was a conversation she forgot she needed to have.

"Helmet." She threw back, crossing her arms and trying to force a small smirk on her face. Maybe she was trying too hard.

Clay pursed his lips, silently telling her she was failing miserably at acting casual. Though, of course, he wouldn't say it out loud. She was very good at reading him, although he didn't really follow normal social clues to indicate certain things.

"You look, uh, you know..." He waved a hand at her, making her smile for real this time.

"Horrible? Yeah, I know. Didn't sleep very well last night." She explained as he lowered his gaze, seemingly thinking about his next sentence. He looked so scared to talk to her, as if his words could break her.

They could, but she was pretty sure he didn't know that, seeing how often he had said the wrong things without a second thought and then acting surprise to her reactions to them.

"That's normal when you sleep in someone else's house, right?"

She breathed out, unsure of what to say. She wasn't exactly ready for this conversation. "Yeah, I guess."

"Talking about which, do you know where Jessica is?"

"At home." At least, that's where she assumed she was. "She was kinda sick from last night, you know? She was pretty drunk."

Clay put his hands in his pockets. "So are you guys friends again?"

Hannah was tempted to ask why he cared so much, but so far, he was the only one who cared at all, about her, so instead she opted for the truth. Thing is, what was the truth anyway?

Hannah had been subconsciously shaking her head in negation, but when she thought about it... "I don't know." She admitted. Clay seemed to at least somewhat understand her predicament.

"Well, I don't know what happened between you too, but you do look like you could use a friend. At least one that doesn't mess things up as often as I do." He smiled, and she replied with a snort, nodding in agreement.

"Will do, Helmet." _Though you're not as had of a friend as you make yourself out to be_.

The bell rang, signaling the start of the next period, and Clay put his arm out. "Wanna walk to class together?" His offer made sense, as their classrooms were not that far apart.

 Still, it didn't feel entirely right, as the fears she had remembered that night at the party when she was with him resurfaced.

"Maybe next time?" Clays eyes showed how hurt he was by her decline, but he wasn't going to force her to do anything, and she knew the waters hadn't quite settled between then. At the very least he had confirmed she wasn't mad at him for what he did.

Hannah began to walk again, before a thought stoke her and she turned back around. "I do owe you an explanation, Clay. And I swear I'll give it to you once we have some free time alone..."

Clay shook his head. "Its fine, Hannah, you don't owe me anything. Its you're right to say no when you don't want to be with someone." He explained. "You can yell me when you're ready, or you can not tell me at All, I'll never hold it against you... But I do want you to know that I'm sorry if I ever hurt you or overstepped the line, and that I hope e can continue being friends."

"Of course." Hannah smiled and wave, as she watched Clay leave. She turned around and did the same, thinking about lucky she was because she was able to say no to something she didn't want.

If there was something she had learned is that not everyone's able to.

...

The math teacher was late, but he always was, so Hannah had taken the habit of doodling away, or, more frequently, writing phrases or songs again and again. The repetitive movements helped her zone out.

The door opened and she heard light footsteps walking in, but she was too distracted to care about who it was. Most people here either hated her, ignored her or laughed at her anyways.

It wasn't until she looked up to see what time it was that she noticed exactly who was now sitting in in one of the seats of the first row that had been empty.

Jessica. What was she doing here? Showing up so late at school so late? Plus, she had figured out that with everything that had happened, Jessica wouldn't attend for a couple days 

Something was up. 

She looked around to confirm that neither Justin nor Bryce were there (subconsciously, she knew they weren't in that class, but still) and took the seat next to Jessica, which was thankfully empty. She took one look at the girl beside her, instantly knowing what was wrong.

The reek of alcohol coming off of Jessica was burning her nostrils.

"Jessica! What the fuck?" She hissed, glaring at her glazed over eyes and her sloppy smile. Oh boy, she was definitely wasted. "What are you doing here and why are you drunk?" She whispered, minding her voice thus time to make sure no one heard her 

Jessica rested her chin on her palm, almost as if she couldn't keep her head up by herself, which was probably true.

"Hi Hannah, Hans, Hannie-boo." She giggled to herself, apparently finding the nickname amusing.

"Why are you here?" Hannah repeated through her teeth.

"I'm learning, silly. This is a school."

"God, Jess, you aren't stupid, but you're kinda acting like it." Hannah groaned, placing her face on her palms in sign of frustration. Then she sighed, looking up at Jessica, who had a curious expression in her face. "We have to get you out of here before someone notices you."

As she helped Jessica get up, she wondered if getting Jessica out of bad situations was going to be a thing she had to  do now.

They exited the room, with Hannah placing an arm protectively around the girl's waist, to keep her stable. She paid no mind to the questioning looks people were throwing at them.

They encountered their teacher on the way out,  but Hannah quickly coming up with a fake illness and saying that they were n their way to the library. Mr. Jones offered go help her carry Jessica, but she declined saying that he was already late to class, and he probably didn't want to be late now did he? He left them off the hook after she had promised to be back when everything was cleared up.

She wasn't bing honest, oof course, but it worked, and soon they were already in Jessica's car.

"You got the keys, right?"

"Yeah." Jessica. said with a playful frown, her tone suggesting how obvious that question was. "They're right there." She pointed to the front seat where a set of keys was dangling from the ignition.

Hannah panicked slightly, fearing that the doors would be locked, but it only took one try to confirm that it wasn't the case.

So she left the car right here  with the doors unlocked and the keys in the ignition? Was she hoping someone took her car away or something?

Hannah kept musing over Jessica's reckless behavior as she set the girl on the passengers seat, making sure to put on her seat belt for good measure. Then, she went around and got into the driver's seat and did the same.

She stared at the wheel, wondering where she could go. They could always stay here in the car, sure, but that meant risking that someone saw them and came to ask why they were here and not in class and saw Jessica's current state. They couldn't go to Jessica's house, as she was fairly sure the girl's mother was still there, and while it was safer to bet that Hannah's own mother wasn't home, she still didn't want to risk it. Her mother could indeed go home at any moment.

She decided that her house was the better option, and she hoped and prayed that the house was empty.

...

It was, thankfully. Totally empty.

Hannah sighed as she set her and Jessica's keys on the counter. As for Jessica herself, she was currently laying on her couch, blabbing about how much she hated pears. How the girl had come up with such random topic, she didn't know nor she really cared.

She prepared a glass of water for the girl, and told her to sip on it while she heated up a cold pizza. Jessica started to list her favorite pizza ingredients, gradually turning it into a very slurred song that didn't really have rhythm.

"Jessica, please stop and drink you water."

The girl continued to sing out of tune  but every now and then she could see her taking a gulp before resuming her song.

"How did you get drunk anyway?" Hannah asked, placing the plates on the table in front of them as she took a seat beside Jessica.

Jessica hummed, apparently trying to remember. She sat up, took a piece of pizza, and after a few bites, finally answered. "Went to that crappy store, you know, the one with the videogame guy? He knows me, so I just bought some bottles."

What she didn't tell Hannah was that she purchased it under Bryce's name, but her mind didn't think that detail was important.

Hannah nodded. "Why were you at school?"

"Cuz I had to be there." Jessica answered in an "isn't it obvious?" tone.

"But you're drunk." Hannah pointed out. "A teacher would've noticed."

Jessica shrugged, and Hannah sighed. Jessica was still wasted, so she couldn't expect that much of her.

Now, she only needed to wait for her to sober up and hope no one came home too early.

...

Her mother came later, though thankfully it was two hours after school was over, so thankfully she wouldn't know she skipped half of the school day. And by then, Jessica was completely sober, and was now in Hannah's room pretending to do homework.

"Hey mom!" She called as she went to the living room.

"Oh hello honey. How was your day?" Her mother greeted.

"It was good. By the way though, a friend of mine us here to get some homework done. You know, lots of work and all that."

She pretended not to notice how her mother beamed at the news. She knew she was lonely, but it wasn't that bad.

Was it?

"Oh, well. Tell them to come down, so I can meet them."

Jessica had apparently heard the whole ordeal, because she appeared next to Hannah in an instant.

"Hi, Mrs. Baker. It's a pleasure to meet you." She extended her hand, and Hannah's mother took with with a warm smile on her face.

"Hello, Jessica. It's nice to meet you as well. Hannah has told me a few things about you."

"Oh, she has?" Jessica raised an eyebrow at Hannah. Undoubtedly, the girl hadn't told her mother how things currently were between them.

When their hands were freed, Hannah's mom immediately went for the kitchen, looking for something. "Yeah, she has. But I'm actually in quiet a hurry. I'm trusting you both to not wreck anything while I'm gone." She continued, taking whatever it was she needed and going back out. She turned around when she was already out the door, with a smile in her face. "I do hope we can properly meet again though."

"Of course." Jessica nodded, and Mrs. Baker left.

They stayed quiet, until they were sure she was far away and wasn't coming back. Then, Hanna let out a heavy breath and took a seat in the couch. They could have gone back to her room, but she decided against it.

Hannah was wondering whether or not to ask Jessica if she had told anybody. Hannah was a bit worried, the fact that she had found Jessica that way told her that the girl hadn't told her parents yet. But the thing is, was she going to?

"Baker, I can see all over your face that you have something to say, so just get it done." Jessica said, taking a seat in front of her and crossing her arms, obviously readying herself from whatever

"Jess, we need to talk." She started, dreading the conversation they were about to have. "You haven't told your parents anything."

Even though it was supposed to be a question, her tone made it clear that she already knew the answer, so Jessica shrugged and laid back into the couch, making her intentions clear: She wasn't planning to tell anyone anytime soon.

Hannah could notice the way she had tensed up though, even if she had tried to play it off as nothing. But still, she pressed on. "You need to tell them, Jess. How else are you supposed to press charges?"

Jessica glared at her. It was clear she wasn't comfortable discussing this topic. "Maybe I don't want to." That had let Hannah quite speechless. She hadn't really considered that Jessica wouldn't want to take some retaliation against Bryce, but that appeared not to be the case. "I just need to forget this ever happened."

"You still need help to do that. Professional help." Jessica scowled at that, clearly against the idea. "You won't forget anything by pretending it didn't happen."

"And I won't forget shit if you keep burying your nose in my business instead of keeping it in yours." She raised her voice, her eyes narrowing as she continued. "You can't know what's good or not for me, because you aren't me, and you don't know what I went through."

Hannah ran her fingers through her hair with defeat. She knew Jessica was right in some ways, she was no professional after all, and she could barely cope with herself most days. "I just want to help, Jess."

"Well, I don't want you to. So let's just leave it at that." Jessica snatched her keys and stormed off, making sure to slam the door on her way out.

Hannah groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. She hadn't expected this, but she should have. Jessica was obviously trying to pretend nothing was wrong, but Hannah could tell. The careless way she was behaving, her changing moods, and her newfound quickness to anger told her that Jessica wasn't exactly in the right state of mind.

But what could she do about it? Ad moreover, was she willing to do anything at all? Sure, she wanted to help Jessica, but she knew how hard it was to help someone who didn't want help.

Well, she guessed that at the very least, she could try, for the sake of Jessica and their friendship (brief as it was).

She knew Jessica was worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all know I had to write something for this fandom, aka my latest obsession.
> 
> I'm so mad though. WHERE IS ALLvTHE FEMSLASH? Like there is so much gay stuff with Clay and Tony and Jeff and all the male characters but where are the lesbian fics?
> 
> *sigh* If you want something, you gotta do it yourself.
> 
> Title of this chapter comes from Ally Hills' song "Her Lover" and title of this work comes from Halsey's song feat. Lauren Jauregui "Strangers"


End file.
